In direct contrast to the Catholic abandonment of the parish confessional, AskFrFred online confessional box is all the rage. Who would have suspected that the emotional abuse visited on generations of older Catholics would become a fad for today's intereligiousnetsters?
The famous Dr Phil thinks he knows why: "You've just got to see what happens on my show. People, especially troubled people, seek abusive put downs! That's the secret. Just get real!"
One of the first entries submitted to the online confessional box came from a self-confessed overweight confessee, screen name "BigBother". The sad old ex-nun confessed to Fr Fred that she eats people to replace her decades of food addiction:
"Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. I now devour human souls to avoid becoming more obese than I already am."
Fr Fred's response was surprisingly compassionate, considering his reputation as a homicidal maniac:
"My dear child, do not judge yourself too harshly. Soul-eaters like ourselves can't really help ourselves...Say three Our Father's, three Hail Mary's and three Glory be's and only eat the souls of prideful Prima Donnas who deserve the humiliation that we soul-eaters were brought into the world to exact."