Written by Paxton Quigley

Monday, 20 August 2018

image for Abba to Reform with Grayson Perry
Grayssön Perrissön, Dancing Queen? How dare you.

The music world is agog at the news that Swedish purveyors of mind-numbing middle of the road nondescript pop Abba is to reform for a world tour but without Agnetha, blonde bombshell and former "Rear of the Year".

Agnetha Fältskog is now living as a recluse on her own tiny island in the Swedish archipelago and has decided that she no longer wishes to be in the public eye which forces a change of the classic Abba line-up. Agnetha's replacement will be a sultry British blond, none other than avant garde transvestite artist Grayson Perry.

Björn, Benny and Anni-Frid in the company of Grayson who was resplendent in a shimmering multi-coloured mini dress, orange tights and 6 inch yellow platform clogs with matching accessories, explained the decision to the alcohol sodden and drugs crazed music press corps.

"Yeah man, it was a no-brainer, you know what I mean?" Benny drawled in faultless English, drawing on an oversize spliff. "We needed another gorgeous blonde to replace Agnetha but it was hard to find somebody with her voice, looks and sense of vulnerability, so we decided to change tack. It was Anni-Frid's idea."

A beaming Anni-Frid shyly admitted to being the ringleader in the new direction for Abba.

"Actually, I've been pissed off for years working with the lovely Agnetha. She is every man's fantasy girl, has a great arse and nobody was ever interested in me. They will be now. For years we've had a reputation for being camp, particularly during the glam rock era when we could give T-Rex, Gary Glitter and The Sweet a run for their money. But things have changed, particularly for Mr. Glitter."

"We've moved into the 21st century" ventured Björn "and we decided LGBT is a market which we haven't exploited, so we thought a transvestite band member would work wonders for us. Anni-Frid doesn't mind sharing a dressing room and nor does Grayson. His wife doesn't mind either."

New member Grayson breathlessly explained how he felt about his new role.

"I'm so excited, oh sorry maybe that's a Pointer Sisters song. Abba has been stuck in the mud boring us all for years so it's time for some excitement. I just couldn't say no to this opportunity and in order to fit in with the band I'm going to change my name to Grayssön Perrissön. Love you all and I'm looking forward to sharing the dressing room with Anni-Frid and exchanging fashion tips."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Pop, LGBT, ABBA, 70's




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