Leonardo DiCaprio Says He's No Piece of Cute Meat

Funny story written by Throckmorton Turdblossom

Monday, 22 January 2007


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Leo isn't just any piece of meat, and neither is Paris

Disgusted by the teen magazine covers and heart throb status of the 1990's, actor Leonardo DiCaprio stated today that he was not just "a piece of cute meat."

The star of Titanic said, "I am a man. I am not just a picture to be hung on the walls of hormonally challenged teenagers with adolescent crushes, to be fondled in their dreams and at their every whim, or to be squealed about in gym class. I am not a name to be written on junior high notebooks, surrounded by little hearts. My last name is not to be matched with their first names; I don't want to have their babies! I am a serious actor! I was in Gilbert Grape!"

In response to his tirade, Socialite Paris Hilton was heard to say, "I am just a cute piece of meat! Who wants a piece? I'm just a big bucket of the Colonel's Kentucky Fried Chicken! Line up for my legs, breasts, and juicy thighs! I'm finger lickin' good!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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