Rowling 'can't be arsed' to write next Harry Potter book

Funny story written by Gareth Carpenter

Tuesday, 25 November 2003

image for Rowling 'can't be arsed' to write next Harry Potter book
Rowling - labelled fans 'losers'

JK Rowling has declared that she "can't be arsed" to write the next Harry Potter book.

And the popular children's author shocked fans at a recent book signing by swigging wine from a bottle and drunkenly giving away the storyline of the unwritten book.

"Basically Harry finds out that Voldemort is his brother and Dumbledore is his granddad," she blurted out to speechless fans at the Petersfield branch of Waterstones bookstore. "He also gets off with Hermione and has a punch-up with Ron. Sirius comes back as a ghost-type fairy godfather. Who gives a shit anyway?"

As worried employees of publishing company Bloomsbury dragged her out of the shop, Rowling laughed and suggested that fans "lobby George Lucas to write the next one."

An unrepentant Rowling said later that she would derive great malicious pleasure from disappointing so many ardent followers.

"Most kids are spoilt these days so they deserve it," she said. "As for those so-called adults you see on the underground with their head in one of my books, I bet they'll be driven to suicide, the losers."

Despite her reservations about the Harry Potter series, Rowling insisted that she had not given up on writing fiction altogether and that she was keen to move into the ‘Chick Lit' genre made famous by Helen Fielding's ‘Bridget Jones' novels.

"I was getting tired of writing about wands, spells and monsters," she said. "In my next book I just want to write about shagging."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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