East Enders, Corrie, Top Gear, Emmerdale and Hollyhocks are all to be re-written and re-hashed as "Bodice Rippers" where evil 'Sir Jaspers' will regularly impregnate serving wenches and well liked characters will get nasty diseases for tear jerking purposes, a leading television producer. Julie Anne Furrows told our Chick Soap reporting team this morning.
Writer, Barbara Cartwheel's next door neighbour, D.H. Lowry is to be in charge of the exciting project. As Christmas approaches, frustrating drivel and sofa advertisements once again fill our screens. Most women and some peculiar men look forward to the X Factory, Strictly Camp Dancing and Downtown Abbey while proper blokes watch motor racing at the pub with a pint.
Viewing patterns suggest that on returning from the pub, a significant number of men watch a war film or Die Hard for the umpteenth time and then snore the house down all night.
Although Ms. Furrows said that introducing the concept of regularly impregnating domestic staff on Top Gear might be irritating to "die hard" petrol heads at first, watching it after a few pints on 'catch up' T.V would probably work.