Keith Richards was my role model says park bench hobo

Written by queen mudder

Sunday, 16 November 2014

image for Keith Richards was my role model says park bench hobo
Good to have aspirations

New York - "I spent my formative years staring at vids of Keith Richards crashed out on the living room couch," reclusive Central Park vagrant Wally Richards said today, "it's what inspired me to a life of booze and drugs."

The comments come amid reports that Rolling Stone Mick Jagger's ex Jerry Hall brought up the couple's children along strict aversion therapy lines.

This included seeing Stones bandmate Keith Richards 'passed out in his own vomit' after a night on the tiles - something Jerry says that's made her kids rampantly abstinent teetotallers.

Ditto Ronnie Wood who was also up to no good at Chateau Jagger-Hall sometimes spending entire weekends passed out in Mick's potting shed, a kilo of cocaine frying his brain.

Exposure to that supine lifestyle soon began repelling children Elizabeth, James, Georgia May and Gabriel, brought up on organic macrobiotic diets and sensible shoes.

Commenting on the role model headlines a spokesperson for Keith Richards said Keith's got fuck all to say about this tabloid bollocks on account of being out cold in the back of his Roller, an empty bottle of bourbon by his side.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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