Ex: "I Knew Deep Down About Ian Watkins"

Funny story written by Jack Allen

Tuesday, 27 May 2014


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Time to 'Start Something' inapropriate

Contrary to recent news, an ex girlfriend of Ian Watkins today revealed that she always had a "strange feeling" about his sexual preferences, with the singer now serving 39 years in prison for various sex offences against children.

Ian Watkins, former lead singer of rock group Lostprophets, shortly dated the female in question in 2005 and his behaviour did allegedly show some cause for concern. In an interview, she said: "once I came home and told him (Ian) that my friend Jenny was pregnant and I was organising the baby shower. As soon as I said the words 'baby shower' he seemed to squirm with excitement. This was the second time I should've said something. A month before that he was watching really old episodes of Hannah Montana but only later that day did I notice we were out of Kleenex and Carex."

Alongside these latest comments, it is still unclear whether the Lostprophets record label or the band themselves put forward the idea for the music video 'A Town Called Hypocrisy'. A video wherein the band star in a children's TV show, which later becomes an alcohol fueled party.

Due to an ex-girlfriend of the former rock singer finally going public on her ex-lover, and clues being apparent to others close to the now disgraced singer, it is clear that there are tell-tale signs for those who may involve themselves inappropriately with children. The following are the top three paedophile warning signs, issued by the University of Durham, to watch out for in people's day-to-day behaviour.

1: They state that their favourite Winter Olympic event is the ladies free skating.
2: Putting Big Fat Gypsy Wedding on series record, or in more extreme cases One Born Every Minute.
3: When microwaving a meal that should take 5 minutes to cook, taking it out after only 2 and then happily eating it all, but always sat down when doing so.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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