Critics rave as Eastenders nails the cycle of life

Funny story written by Crunk

Monday, 28 April 2014

image for Critics rave as Eastenders nails the cycle of life
no kittens were hurt during the making of this episode

The BBC has been showered with accolades after the screening of the Eastenders episode handling the Beale Bereavement last week. Torquil Faversham, Head of Gritty Plot Lines explained, 'We knew we couldn't expose the nation to the terrible loss of an indifferently toxic teenager without tempering it with little sprinkles of hope. Easter is, after all, about eggs; admittedly chocolate ones.'

The storyline had viewers on the edge of their seats watching Beale approach his son in the Queen Vic to reveal the shattering news of the death of his sister. The tension was skillfully balanced as the camera panned to a pregnant lady touchingly patting her bump. Critics agree that the juxtaposition of new life and timely death has proved a master class in light entertainment, lifting the collective consciousness of the nation spiritually.

Adam Woodyatt (Ian Beale) gave a stunning performance of harrowingly unattractive grief, while his son Peter bellowed like a wounded calf. Despite these minor abberrations of genuinely good acting, the remaining Enders cast saved the day with a tour de force of life-affirming naffness.

Brian Sewell enthused, 'I wept during sequences involving Danny Dyer worrying over his flatulent bulldog clearly whelping newfoundland pups. Simply exquisite. A performance worthy of Gielgud himself'.

Mark Kermode concurred. 'Hair raising', he mused 'The part where Phil Mitchell gave mouth to mouth to an ailing puppy', he paused, temporarily incoherent with raw emotion, 'I dimly recollect he ruffled the ears on a fluffy kitten in the bar, his former bitter adversaries gazing with moist admiration. Watching this was literally life-changing.'

Perhaps not since the death of Princess Diana has the nation been so unified in grief. Anyone affected by the issues raised during the episode is encouraged to ring the BBC helpline, and shout 'Why, yes. Yes I have. This was sh##!'

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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