Rosie O'Donnell Returns To The View, Hasselbeck Surprise Guest

Funny story written by Keith Shirey

Monday, 10 February 2014

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Rosie O'Donnell returned to "The View" on Friday. It was her first appearance on the show since her infamous brawl back in 2007 with Elisabeth Hasselbeck in 2007 caused her to step down as moderator.

The source of the blowup? A discussion in which Hasselbeck and O'Donnell debated the meaning of the word "terrorist." O'Donnell asked, "655,000 Iraqi civilians are dead. Who are the terrorists? The media, particularly Fox News, accused O'Donnell of calling U.S. troops terrorists.

O'Donnell explained during the next show that she was referring to U.S. policies not the "men and women who were sent there by the politicians and had to obey orders. I never called our troops terrorists."

On the show O'Donnell accused Hasselbeck of not defending her against the false charge by media outlets. She called Hasselbeck a "coward." Answered Hasselbeck: "You are an adult, and I'm not going to be the person for you to explain your thoughts. ... Defend your own insinuations."

On Friday, Hasselbeck was the surprise guest. It was Barbara Walters's idea. She hoped the two could resume their friendship, such as it was, before the blow up when the two did exchange numerous e-mails on non-political topics.

O'Donnell would not smile at the surprise guest, let alone hug her. Instead she said, "You never would look me in the eye and say that I didn't call our men and women terrorists. Do it now. And while you're at it admit that the Tea Party Express are a bunch asses and that Bush was a moron for invading Iraq."

Hasselbeck declined. Instead she, who is now a host on "Fox And Friends," said "Rosie I've always hated you for your feminism."

"Feminism a threat to national security because men are no longer able to be 'manly.'"

She shot a piercing look at O'Donnell and continued, "Men have to be men. They used to be wrestling alligators but have been reduced to wrestling lattes. Feminists and wussified American men weaken our nation. Men are supposed to lead. They don't when they're not manly. People like you want to take guns away from men. So . . ."

O'Donnell interrupted saying, "You've never seen a gun you didn't like, even an assault weapon in the hands of a criminal. You don't want any kind of gun control."

Hassselbeck responded that she did not want gun control but "If we monitored the number of violent videos people buy and play on the Internet that would be huge."

O'Donnell said, "What is huge is your stupidity I'm off this show. I'm not coming back Barbara. Why you brought this bitch here is beyond me."

Hasselllbeck smilingly said, "Bye, bye, Rosie. So just is the real coward around here?"

As O'Donnell moved menacingly toward Hassellbeck the camera focused only on Barbara Walters. At the sound of grunts and chairs being turned over the show went to a commercial.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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