Dorking Police Arrest Amateur Thesps In Human Trafficking Scandal

Funny story written by Ellis Ian Fields

Friday, 27 April 2012

image for Dorking Police Arrest Amateur Thesps In Human Trafficking Scandal
Not at Dorking this year!

Police raided the Isandlwana Road Community Centre last night and arrested several people allegedly at the centre of a human trafficking scheme.

Officers from Dorking Central Division, accompanied by dog handlers and an armed response unit, descended on the centre around 8.30pm. They arrested around 30 people and took them to Central HQ for questioning.

A jubilant Det Chief Supt Helen Midden, who led the raid, said: "Super job, love. These toerags are agents of human misery and we've been waiting to shut down their operation for a couple of months."

The alleged traffickers are all members of Dorking Amateur Players (DAP) and were rehearsing Shakespeare's Richard II and Henry IV Parts 1 and 2 when the raid struck.

DAP Chair, Nancy Diphthong, said: "This is simply a disaster. The Shakespeare cycle was our entry for this year's Dorking and District Amateur Theatre Festival - we were favourites to win.

"We'll never re-cast in time - too many men, you see darling."

Chief Supt Midden denied the arrests were simply a ruse to remove the competition for the Dorking Police Theatre Group's bid for the Festival prize - she is directing their production of the Ray Galton and John Antrobus farce When Did You Last See Your Trousers?

"Abolutely not, lovey. These slags have been asking to have their collars felt for months and the only boards they'll be treading for the next 15 to 20 will be at Her Majesty's pleasure.

"Your theatre writer will be covering the Festival, right?"

Dorking police are already at the centre of a row concerning its alleged attacks on local enthusiasts and amateur organisations in a series of investigations into serious crime. Some watchdogs are also querying the necessity for so many chief superintendents within the local CID.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more