Woody Allen Ready For Brain Transplant

Funny story written by Bureau

Friday, 10 January 2014

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Everyone knows that Woody Allen has a great brain and has made some great movies but Allen's body began playing out at 16 or 17 years old. The solution may be a new body being planned by scientists in New Orleans.

Allen is paying millions requesting a brand new body from scientists there and has already signed a letter of intent and permission given. The scientists say they need the money and Allen needs the new body.

Allen has requested that his brain be implanted into the next 18-year-old available.

Beginning this year, people can donate their bodies on the back of their drivers license.

"I'm not choosy", Allen told our reporter. "Just so the body doesn't come from something like a shark or anything. I want a complete human body that is male, female, black, white, yellow, red or any combination thereof. Just so I still have my own brain."

Allen admitted that any body would be better than the one he was born with.

"If these guys don't get their act together soon, I'll have to go see Madame Dwayne down the street from the lab. I don't buy into that zombie 'BRAINS, Must Have Brains!" thing. I'd rather it be, "Woman, must have woman!"

"I have already given them a lot of money and they have a year to get me a body. Can't just sit here and allow the old brain to rot."

"I wouldn't want to walk around stiff. That would be OK in a male I guess. Of course, I hope it won't be like walking around like that Frankenstein thing. I need to talk to the docs some more about the stiffness details."

The scientists say that 'on the quiet' Allen does want some stiffness but doesn't want to spend every night at the hospital emergency room after four hours.

"I think we can get him a fixer upper", Dr. stukes told us.

Rich Moore for $tar$.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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