The Philosophy of Gronk from A to B

Funny story written by Ossurworld

Friday, 1 February 2013

On a Boston radio show on station WEEI, Rob Gronkowski began to explain his sophisticated sense of the existential crisis facing all of us in the 21st century, following in the steps of Jean-Paul Satre and Albert Camus.

On the vagaries of life and the meaning of death, Gronk pontificated: "It wasn't the way I wanted to go out," as we sometimes cannot control the fickle finger of fate.

Following in the steps of his mentor Mahatma Belichick, under whom Gronk studies in Tibet during the off-season, the tight end revealed: "It is what it was."

In a display of his definition of his sense of karma espoused by the Dharma Bums like Jack Kerouac, Gronk stated plainly. "That's what happened."

He challenged the Freudian view that there is no such thing as an accident. "It was a freak accident. It didn't go the way I planned. It just happened." To Gronk, sometimes a cigar is more than a cigar.

In a paeon to LSD guru Timothy Leary, Gronk revealed that more than the truth is out there. "You've got to be out there."

He interlaced his understanding of Leary's free spirit with the basic tenets of Einstein's theory of relativity: "I want to be out there whenever I can get out there."

Gronk revealed his familiarity with Stephen Hawking's theories on the time/space continuum. "It doesn't matter when it happened. It can happen at any time."

No one will again question the intellectual acuity of the Gronk.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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