Predictions for 2013 in Boston Sports

Funny story written by Ossurworld

Tuesday, 1 January 2013

With a crystal ball, Tarot cards, a celestial map, and runes from the Mayan culture, we are finally ready to predict the sports moments you can count on in 2013.

Of course, like all prognosticators of the medium variety, we expect that no one will recall what we predict-and fewer will call us out if we fail to deliver the goods.

Our track record is better than the Mayans, and we predicted NFL victories 70% of the time, which may seem cheesy, but actually was in the top 20 of 6000 guessers in a Boston radio station game.

Herewith are our contentions that make us contentious. We have no problem with going out on a limb and letting the fire department bring a hook and ladder to save us.


The real Super Bowl will occur between the Broncos and the Patriots, leaving the winner to be let down in the big February game against an inferior NFC opponent.

Wes Welker will profess he is willing to play with Peyton Manning next year because the Patriots don't appreciate him. This will cause Tom Brady to take umbrage with Coach Belichick.

Julian Edelman will sign with the Jets and become Rex Ryan's darling.


Danny Ainge will not have enough money to spend on signing a big man, but Courtney Lee will volunteer to be traded anywhere to help the Celtics improve.

Avery Bradley will become a sparkplug of the Celtics, but it will serve only to embarrass Jeff Green who will be traded in March for Kendrick Perkins.

Rajon Rondo will be involved in an off-court controversy after the All-Star game, defending Perk's reputation.

Red Sox

John Henry will find a partner to take on more and more ownership of the Red Sox.

The Red Sox will actually have four catchers in their starting lineup at least once.

Jacoby Ellsbury may attempt to play first base for the Red Sox, but will crack a rib in a collision with Dustin Pedroia who breaks a thumb in spring training. Both will spend most of the season on the DL.

Gronk will throw out the first ball at some game at Fenway sometime in the spring and offer to pitch out of the bullpen to save the Sox season.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more