Written by queen mudder

Monday, 27 August 2012

image for Munch hunch as US-cloistered nun claims painter of 'The Scream' is her grandpa
Outside the convent today

London - A nun from the same Connecticut convent as David Cameron's ex-girlfriend Laura Adshead reckons she is a grand-daughter of Norwegian painter Edvard Munch.

Surrey-born Janet Weber - aka Sister Mary Smorgasbord - is an Under-Prioress at the Abbey of Regina Laudis in Bethlehem, Connecticut, USA.

A Norwegian television documentary to be aired next month says she's Munch's illegitimate grand-daughter - and a possibly beneficiary of his fabulous art collection.

She and former advertising executive Sister Mary John, who dated David Cameron before his marriage, have taken all the usual harsh monastic vows to live a contemplative life.

So any financial legacies would have to be donated to their convent's coffers in a direct response to their vows of chastity, obedience and poverty.

Her suspected famous bloodlines place her in great company at the religious retreat where she has been a nun for over 40 years.

The Prioress at Regina Laudis is former Hollywood actress Dolores Hart who played Elvis Presley's love interest in the 1957 movie Loving You.

Several other elderly sisters are also suspected of famous parentage including various daughters and great grand-daughters of Pope Pius XII - who fathered President George Herbert Bush after a fling with the Queen Mother of England.

The convent is the lucky beneficiary of mystery donations that keep the holy ladies fed, watered, shod and in good overall health.

The largest bequest ever received by the institution was once alleged to have come from Chile's General Pinochet.

Kerry Kennedy once pondered a monastic life at Regina Laudis for herself, before becoming hopelessly tangled up with Andrew Cuomo.

"She might still enter the convent, depending on the outcome of her DUI case," a gardener at the Connecticut convent said today.

"Psst...wanna see naked snaps of nuns-in-the-bath, absolute bargain at hundred dollars a pop?"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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