Wives and Lotteries: David Stern Knows How to Fix a Problem

Funny story written by Ossurworld

Friday, 15 June 2012


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Does David Stern still beat his wife?

The issue came up when reporters questioned the head of the NBA about his recent draft lottery. One enterprising investigative reporter/talkmeister wanted to know if the fix was in.

After all, the NBA-owned franchise (sold recently to a private owner, but not final yet) received the Number One lottery pick.

As fans may recall, the NBA owned the New Orleans franchise for quite some time. A hopeless, last place team, the Hornets were recently acquired by Tom Benson, a wealthy New Orleans owner of the NFL Saints.

Benson may have lost the bounty hunt with Sean Payton, but he has won the NBA lottery on his first go-round.

How fortuitous.

In an astute game of one-upsmanship, Stern told the reporter the unanswerable riddle of all time. "Have you stopped beating your wife yet?"

It only sounded cruel and sadistic. Stern knows full well that no media member will go on record about his own marriage counseling. It was check and checkmate for the NBA Commissioner.

Though some may see Stern's cavalier response as non sequitur, a few knowing cognoscenti of sports could find a germ of truth in the rhetorical question.

Stern has cleverly changed the playing field for journalists. By throwing them under the bus, the media members now must address their own likelihood of beating their wives.

Whether we ever find out if the lottery is fixed may be a conundrum beyond our ken.

One factor emerges: the NBA doesn't feel like giving a straight answer to a crooked question.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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