Simon Cowell brought in to approve new Spoofs

Funny story written by IainB

Tuesday, 7 February 2012

image for Simon Cowell brought in to approve new Spoofs
Simon Cowell showing how many thumbs a particular story is worth

Legendary evil bastard, Simon Cowell, has agreed to become the Spoof's number one story approver.

"It's been noted," said Cowell, "that there is a large number of stories coming into the Spoof that fail on some very basic criteria. Up until now people have been too nice toward these people."

Cowell has a great deal of respect for Mark Lowton, editor, creator and technical genius behind the Spoof.

"Mark's a freakin genius," said Cowell. "I could never do what he does. And nor would I want to. It's been realised that he's just too damn nice. What the Spoof needs is some downright nastiness, and that's where I come in."

Cowell will be responsible for looking at every Spoof that is written for publication on the site, and will respond with either a 'yes, you're through' or a 'no, this piece of crap isn't worth the paper it's printed on, and it's not even printed on paper' or some other such cutting and pithy remark.

Cowell is a famous face across the world precisely because people love to hear his put-downs and one-liners. It is hoped that this universal love for his evilness will lessen the blow when a prospective Spoofer gets a rejection slip telling them that 'grammar isn't optional, it's a damn right human right', or that 'the point of a site is to be humorous, thought provoking or satirical, and this story only provokes the thought that the satire and humour are lacking - try much much harder'.

"I'm hoping that there will be plenty of Spoofs about me," he said. "I really know how to laugh at myself. I got taught that by the rest of the world."

Cowell has already produced a long list of pithy put downs and hopes to be able to use them all. He is especially looking forward to putting down Americans, which is a personal hobby of his.

"I'm really looking forward to the challenge," said Cowell. "I've been told that there's a million bonus a week just for me doing this. You can never be too rich."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more