Written by Abel Rodriguez

Monday, 30 January 2012

image for Heidi Klum Said She Told Her Husband Seal To Attend Anger Management Classes Or Kiss Her Fantabulous Body Bye-Bye
Heidi Klum shown sitting at The Santa Monica Pier. (Photo provided by Santa Monica Pier Security Inc.).

SANTA MONICA - Heidi Klum took her four kids to the world-famous Santa Monica Pier to buy them some of their unique rainbow-colored cotton candy.

While on the pier she was approached by a reporter who asked her if she was actually going through with her divorce from Seal.

Klum, 38, dressed in a pair of blue jeans that looked like they had been applied with a paint brush, replied that she was. She told the reporter that she wanted for him to get her side of the story out to the American public.

The reporter Gibraltar Yukon, with the El Lay Informer, gave her his word that he would.

After buying Yukon and her their own rainbow-colored cotton candy, the red and white striped tight blouse clad model told him that there were several reasons why she had decided to file for divorce from Seal after being married for 7 years.

The 5-foot-9-inch tall model said that one reason was the fact that he resented that on several occasions she had pointed out to him that he was kinda pitchy when he was rehearsing some of his songs.

The red bikini thonged Klum commented that the last time she told him he was pitchy was while he was singing Katy Perry's hit "I Kissed A Girl." She said that he got in her face and screamed out just who the hell did she think she was Randy the effen "Dawg" Jackson or what.

Heidi said that she got so scared and started crying so much that her eye-liner started to run and it got all over her Fruit Loops Breakfast Cereal.

She then pointed out that Seal is a big New England Patriots fan and she is a big New York Giants fan and that they have both been cutting down each others Super Bowl bound teams non-stop.

Heidi said that she finally got fed up with the sports bantering when they were watching the American Idol tryouts in Aspen, Colorado on television and (Seal) suddenly took a pair of scissors to her Eli Manning New York Giants number 10 football jersey and cut it up into sixteen pieces.

She said that the thing that really upset her was the fact that she was wearing the jersey at the time.

Klum divulged that what finally put the icing on the cake was when he told her that he did not want to hear her speaking German to any of her family members. He told her that either they learn English or she'll just not be allowed to talk to them.

Heidi said that at that point she put her foot down and told him that he would either see about getting himself enrolled in anger management classes or else he would be kissing her fantabulous body bye-bye.

Heidi Klum is a native of Germany having been born in The Von Wienerschnitzel Rocket Scientist Hospital in Sauerkrautgart, Germany.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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