Heidi Montag Is Furious At The 'Tiny Tampon' Shortage

Written by Abel Rodriguez

Wednesday, 7 December 2011


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Many women agree that the OB Tiny Tampons are worth their weight in gold. (Photo courtesy of Bill Gates).

HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Heidi Montag is back in the news and this time it is not because the undisputed "Queen of Plastic" has had yet another in her long line of cosmetic surgeries.

The woman who, at last count, had gone under the vanity knife a total of 38 times, is very upset at the fact that the popular OB Tiny Tampons have become extremely scarce lately.

She noted that the reason is that woman all over the country have been hoarding them as if they were rare coins or stamps.

Montag spoke with Pia Confetti of The El Lay Informer and said that thanks to this out-of-control tampon hoarding a regular box of the tiny tampons is now selling for as high as $100 on the Internet.

Some women have even managed to find the extremely popular tiny little feminine doodads on Internet sites in such places as Peru, Cambodia, Portugal, and Lower Zamgola.

Homer "Bubba" Silkmill, a spokesperson for Happy Hips, the company that manufactures the tiny tampons, noted that they have had to put on a midnight shift at its Beaver, Oklahoma plant in order to try and keep up with the demand.

Mr. Silkmill noted that the Happy Hips factory is working 24/7 but that they are still currently running about three weeks behind.

He noted that a lot of the "TTs" as the tiny tampons are referred to are being shipped overseas to Paris, France where they are reportedly selling like hot cakes, or actually croissants.

Montag noted that the reason why the "TTs" are so popular is due to the fact that they have no applicator which makes them convenient, comfortable, and much more pubically caressable resulting in less worry, stress, pressure, tension, and bitchiness.

Heidi informed Miss Confetti that she wants for women to be extremely careful as there are reports that some counterfeit, knock-off "TTs" were recently discovered at the U.S. - Mexico border in El Paso.

The tiny tampons had reportedly been manufactured in dingy tampon making jungle shops located down in Mexico's Yucatan Peninsula.

She noted that the fake tiny tampons can easily be detected due to the fact that they smell a little bit like tequila.

Montag says that since the tiny tampons contain no plastic or cardboard applicator they are truly one of the most environmentally friendly feminine hygiene products ever developed.

She noted that, that even includes the Velcro Tampons which were introduced in March of 2002, but were discontinued in April of 2002, due to the fact that most women hated the embarrassing sound that the Velcro strips made, plus unless a woman had a bikini wax the pain from the pubic hair tangles could actually be equivalent to the pain experienced while giving natural birth to a 12-pound baby.

Happy Hips spokesperson "Bubba" Silkmill pointed out that currently the "TTs" are only available in three designer colors; Playpen Pink, Biscuit Beige, and Pudenda Purple.

SIDENOTE: Another factor that lots of women love about the Happy Hips product is the fact that since the OB Tiny Tampons are so small a woman can literally carry up to two dozen in her purse with no problem at all.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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