Written by Abel Rodriguez

Monday, 31 October 2011

image for An Insider Reports On Some Bitter Behind-The-Scenes Feuding Between Regis Philbin and Kelly Ripa
Regis Philbin's final TV appearnace on Nov. 18, will mark the first time he has not been on the air in 50 years.

NEW YORK CITY - Network executives have made it clear that November 18, will be the last day that Regis Philbin appears on Live With Regis & Kelly.

Philbin has been in the business for five decades, 50 years. In fact when he first uttered his first words into a microphone the Mississippi River was a mere creek, The Great Salt Lake was The Little Salt Lake, and Joan Rivers still looked like Joan Rivers.

Regis has seen it all. He has had just about everyone who is anyone on his shows throughout the years. He recalled once when the show was called Live With Regis & Kathie Lee (Gifford) that he had wrestling legend Fritz Von Erick on the show and Regis made the mistake of telling the angry wrestler that he thought that wrestling was fake.

Von Erick stood up, picked Regis up by his throat, and tossed him into the third row. Luckily for Philbin he landed on a hefty lady and the blow was somewhat cushioned.

The fearsome wrestler then turned his sights on Kathie Lee, who had literally peed on the floor and he asked her if she also thought that wrestling was fake.

Gifford could barely talk but she shook her head implying no. She was finally able to gain her composure and she nervously said that boxing is fake, baseball is fake, football is fake, but wresting is real, it is oh so damn real.

And now as Regis gets reading to ride into the television talk show sunset word behind-the-scenes is that he and co-host Kelly Ripa have been bickering backstage like Republican maven Ann Coulter and Democrat empress Nancy Pelosi.

An unnamed show employee informed Tilapia Frisbee of The Right Coast Illustrated Revue that the other day he overheard Regis telling Kelly (backstage) that he never liked her because she sounded like Minnie Mouse. He told her that sitting next to her, if he closed his eyes while she was talking, he would swear that he was at Disneyland.

Kelly fired back by saying that she had finally gotten fed up with having to wake him up from his cat naps that he would take during the commercials. She said she felt like she was sitting next to Rip Van Friggin Winkle.

Philbin remarked that he was not napping and that he was simply meditating. Kelly yelled out that she has never, ever seen anyone meditating while they are snoring loud enough to drown out a 747 jet airplane.

Regis told Miss Frisbee that he had promised that he would never reveal the secret that this past May, after one of the shows, while he and Kelly were sitting in Kelly's dressing room that she showed him all of her personal, intimate tattoos.

Kelly has strongly denied the tattoo incident, but she did point out that she wanted to let everyone know about Philbin's strangely weird pre-show ritual where for some unknown reason he takes Geritol and rubs it all over his balls.

So as of now, Regis and Kelly have both agreed that while they are in front of the television cameras they will act totally and completely civil towards one another. But once the cameras stop rolling and they are both backstage then all bets are off and the bickering will freakin' begin.

In a non-related story. GOP black presidential candidate Herman Cain has stated that his speech that he was supposed to have given before the Tennessee Ku Klux Klan Chapter in Pulaski, Tennessee has been cancelled for the obvious reason.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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