London Beer Microbrewer Considers Buyout Offer from Heinekin

Funny story written by P.M. Wortham

Thursday, 26 May 2011

image for London Beer Microbrewer Considers Buyout Offer from Heinekin
Skoobing's fourth variety, Arrogant Bastard Ale, brewed with his own spittle, was not a best seller.

Suburban London brewer Alistair Skoobing, famous for his specialty blended beers, is reportedly entertaining the acceptance of an attractive purchase agreement from European brewing giant, Heinekin.

Winning multiple microbrew categories at competitions held in Belgium and in the United States, Skoobing managed to edge out all other European competitors as well as perennial favorite from America, Samuel Adams for three gold medals. Skoob's Frogmore IPA, Skoob's Bathtub Lager, and Skoob's Pork Snout Stout were all clear favorites in competition and those recipes are reportedly what Heinekin is interested in.

"Nothing like a Skoob Bathtub Lager to wrap up a long day on the docks", says London longshoreman Benny Overton. "It has a bit of a soapy finish, which makes you want to drink more to wipe out the aftertaste, but somehow I feel clean and refreshed after a few pints". Other fans of Skoobing's beers agree. "The Pork Snout Stout is wicked awesome with pretzels", says Boston lawyer and beer aficionado Bill Schreder. "The smoky pork overtones mixed with the heaviness of the beer? It's a complete meal. Really, top draw". We believe the man to have meant, "top drawer".

One of Skoobing's largest U.S. importers, The Oasis Bar & Grille, was less than thrilled at the thought of losing one of their best sellers. "A good quality microbrew like Skoob's Frogmore IPA, where we can sell it for a buck and still make money? Our patrons are going to revolt", says bar manager Morse. "I want my IPA", commented a drunken sod at the rail only known as "Abel".

No word yet if Skoobing is planning to take the deal, but those close to the man saw him shopping for a Jaguar XK just this afternoon. Heinekin representatives could not be reached for comment.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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