Hare Club for Men Launches IPO at Wall Street Opening Bell

Written by P.M. Wortham

Wednesday, 19 January 2011

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Natural curly white or silver hair now available at the Hare Club for Men

Starting out as modest but private trapping grounds and regional furrier business in Arkadelphia, Arkansas, the Hare Club for Men will announce their initial public offering this morning at the Wall Street opening bell.

Now famous for creating realistic hair replacement options for men that do not involve the transplant of existing hair from the head, the HCFM offers a wide range of natural looking animal fur follicle implants, and an assortment of wild fur options as well.

"We never expected the business to grow quite this much", says majority investor and HCFM CEO Dewy T. Hardaway. "What started out as a dare between some of my hair challenged buddies down at the bar, turned quickly into a fad. Once we found a doctor who would perform the first rabbit fur implant, we were off and running. Cooter's wife thought his new hair was nice and soft, but he was just happy to not have to wear a hat in the winter".

Hardaway summarized some of the more outlandish offerings, including Skunk, Beaver and Porcupine transplants. "Oh, hell yeah", adds Hardaway when asked about the Skunk. "We seemed to appeal mostly to the biker and punk rocker crowd. Nothing says Back Off quite like a Skunk Mohawk, or a head covered in Porcupine quills. Course, you got to wash that damn Porcupine hair pretty damn carefully. Never from back to front, if you get my point. Get the point?"

Among the more conservative offerings for their more mature customers, HCFM offers natural grey curly looks taken from the Standard Poodle, and variations of brown and black hair obtained from a variety of North American Bear species. "Grizzly actually looks the best, but is also the most expensive", says Hardaway. "Tough bastards to hunt and bring down. Can't really ever get that stink out of the pelt either, but we provide scented shampoo as part of the deal. It's kinda more better then".

Hare Club for Men stock is expected to fetch an opening price of $2.30 a share. Analysts don't expect to see much growth after purchase.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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