Berkshire-Hathaway Makes Sweet Bid for Dairy Queen

Written by P.M. Wortham

Tuesday, 16 November 2010

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Cones up! Warren Buffet Already Owns Dairy Queen

Shocking Wall Street this afternoon with a surprise announcement over the acquisition of Dairy Queen, America's favorite ice cream franchise, Berkshire-Hathaway plans to bid $2 over DQ's current per-share market price to close the deal as soon as possible.

Thought to be busy with their most recent bank acquisition, investment insiders had not anticipated the announcement, but gave CEO Warren Buffet high marks for his shrewd business sense. "DQ is an awesome grab for Buffet, taking his further in the food services portion of his overall corporate portfolio", says Former Goldman Sachs employee, Ernest Moonies.

Berkshire-Hathaway market analyst and investment banker, Tony Stedenko says, "Once we heard that Warren really missed having a DQ restaurant nearby our offices and that he was a fan of the vanilla/chocolate twist dipped in a chocolate shell, we knew we had to make the acquisition".

Buffet, swamped in the midst of several simultaneous business transactions had commented that he was pleased with the work that his investment team had made towards the DQ deal, but also thought that he already owned the ice cream franchise. Stedenko later returned to Buffet's office to confirm that indeed, Dairy Queen was already under the Berkshire-Hathaway umbrella. "I feel like a complete toad", said Stedenko. "We're losing track of what and who we own".

Buffet reportedly did like the idea of having a DQ constructed near the office however, assigning the construction oversight to Stedenko. Clearly a step down on the managerial ladder, Stedenko's new title seems to indicate a promotion as he is now the Chief Executive Office in Charge of Local Dairy Commodity Distribution and Frozen Retail Sales.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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