Marks & Spencer Subjected To Oxfam Takeover Bid

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Monday, 5 February 2007

image for Marks & Spencer Subjected To Oxfam Takeover Bid

Charity organisation Oxfarm today made a move towards becoming a major player in the fashion world when it made a £145squillion takeover bid for Marks & Sparks.

To date, Oxfarm has chiefly operated in the "tat shop" sector, flogging flea-bitten, cast-off clothing that invariably stinks of piss, and a few overpriced books.

The money raised is used to develop ox farms in Africa.

Now, though, after several disastrous natural disasters which, through generous public donations, have filled their coffers to overflowing, the charity has decided to "flex its muscles" in proper business.

Derek Doolalley, a marketing executive, said " We have a long-range plan to become a top High Street name in clothing. Successful growth will lead to having our own designs, and, in the not-too-distant future, you can expect to see models parading the Oxfarm brand on the catwalks of Paris, London and Milan."

Bosses at M&S will resist the bid.

Abbie Penisenvy told a Press conference "This is an extremely hostile takeover bid, but we will defend our organisation with all the cheesecakes, underwear and dressing gowns at our disposal."

But the tatters are in a powerful position. With M&S sales flagging, and Oxfarm turning over more than £780million of bin bag clothing a year, the charity looks set to flood the street with its rags, and confidence is high.

Last month, the Seriously Fraudulent Office of Fraudsters cleared Oxfarm of unlawfully spending £680,000 from a Tsunami appeal, to send 15 members of its top brass to Southeast Asia to "survey the damage" first hand.

Allegations had been made that some of the executives were spending too much of their time inspecting the 'damage' in Bangkok's go-go bars.

Chief fundraiser, Gerald Pornoking, 46, said "the damage was incredible. I've never experienced anything like it. I know I shouldn't say this, but I can't wait to get back out there again!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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