Major Car Manufacturer's Launch New Model Names To Drive Q3 Business

Written by Jeremy Paxman

Monday, 12 July 2010

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The brand new 2010 Renault Clitoris at The Toxteth International Motorshow

As a direct result of declining new car sales following global turbulence in financial markets which have decimated the automotive industry; manufacturers are resorting to ever more gimmicky tactics to drive new business ahead of the vital Q3 sales period.

At this weeks Toxteth International Motor Show, manufacturers from around the world were desperate to showcase their latest models which are - according to automotive journalist Stanton Harcourt III - aimed at "a younger, sexier, pimp my ride audience who want their cars to reflect themselves and their lifestyles".

The Toxteth Motorshow - attended by miscreants and car thieves from all over the UK - was the ideal platform for several of the world's top manufacturers to launch their latest vehicles, including the:

Vauxhall Vulva
Renault Clitoris
Mercedes Minge
Ford Fister
Honda Hoodie
Toyota Titwank
Volvo Vagina
Hillman Pimp
Alpha Romeo Beckham
Chrysler Crotch
Fiat Fannyflap
Peugeot Paedophille
Oldsmobile Prostrate
Rolls-Royce Silver Shagger
Datsun Dyke

Jeremey Clarkson was said to be 'effusive' about the prospect of the new Aston Martin McGuinness while Tiff Needell was equally impressed with the all new Land Rover Attacker designed by Raoul Moat (modelled on the Land Rover Defender) and it's spectacular off road capabilities (including the vehicles ability to avoid armies of police for days - at least until the vehicle runs quietly into a ditch and backfires).

Toyota have managed to solve their recent accelerator problems by liaising with Italian designers. Now all of their vehicles will only travel in reverse. Rumours of the French having designed a vehicle that hands itself into police and works with them to catch other motorists are yet to be confirmed.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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