New Electric Vehicle Rule from the Government

Written by Inchcock

Sunday, 11 July 2010

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Reflecting on the future!

Transport secretary, Philip Hammond, is overseeing the formulation of new laws that will see it a requirement for Electrically powered vehicles to 'Make a noise' to ensure that pedestrians can hear the approach of the vehicle, to ensure their safety.

Official Statement: Their noiseless glide has seen them dubbed the silent killers of the road. But electric cars could soon be given special 'signature tunes' so that pedestrians can hear them coming and avoid stepping out into their path. The decision comes following concerns from road safety experts that the 'green' credentials of the zero-emission cars may be overshadowed by a rising accident and death toll caused by the fact that they are so eerily quiet.

Motoring correspondent Inchcock Chambers discloses his ideas for which sounds should used for which types of vehicles:

Milk Floats - A loud 'Mooing' sound.

Ambulances - A very loud repeated 'Arghh' sound.

Golf Buggies - A 'Put-put' sound.

White Vans - A recording of the words 'Move, move, move!'.

Post Office Vans: Recording of the words 'No brakes, No brakes' or 'Postman Pat tune'.

Police cars: Warning 'This vehicle powers our Tazers!'.

Government Chauffeur Driven Ministers Cars: 'Warning nepotistic pillock in the back'.

MP's self-driven Cars: 'Brum bum bum bum bum'.

Fire Engines: Play 'Great Balls of Fire loudly.'

Bread Vans: 'Hovis' advert tune.

NHS Vehicles: Play 'Gimme Money money money!'

All vehicles under 1000cc: Choose from a recording of a 'Lamborghini, Lotus, or Ferrari' engine sounds.

NSPCC Vehicles: Play 'How much is that doggy in the window'.

All Nissan Electric Cars: Toshiyuki Tabata spent 30 years as a Nissan Motor Co. engineer trying to make gasoline-powered cars quieter. Now he's consulting music composers to make electric cars noisier, and safer.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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