US arms manufacturer Murder Inc in Michigan today decided to stop adding Biblical references to its gun sights. Company chairman Henry Eichmann, a devout Christian, said: 'As a Christian I made sure '2 Cor 4:5' and 'JN 12:1' were inscribed on the sights, which mean 2nd. Corinthians 4:5 and John 12:1.'
'The first is from a letter someone's granny sent to Corinth and says 'Thou shalt not kill - unless you come across Afghans with big opium fields, then it's out with a MI-55 submachine gun and get the slaughtering going'. And the John reference is 'For did not Jesus teach us to turn the other cheek if someone strikes us? Nope, he taught us to launch radio-controlled rocket bombs against villages in Pakistan, all in the name of forgiveness and peace, of course.'
Murder Inc have manufactured weapons for nearly 50 years now, though despite all the money and technology involved developing them their American users have never won a war with them, and in fact have lost every single war they have fought in since 1946.
'But it's good for our profit margins', Mr. Eichmann said, 'though you'd have thought American soldiers might have woken up to the idea 'We can't win wars' by now! As long as the suckers keep flying away to Vietnam or Iraq, or whereever the hell helps Israel remain defended in the Middle East, we make a fortune out of it all and Israel stays safe.'
'Though I handily forget the tens of thousands of innocent civilian deaths the US army is responsible for across the Middle East since 1991, doesn't exactly square up with the teachings of Jesus Christ, does it?'
As American soldiers remain in Afghanistan and Iraq they continually discover caches of weapons - which were all made by Murder Inc. 'Of course they were', Mr. Eichmann said. 'We made lots of money selling our weapons to the mujihadeen in Afghanistan to help them get the Soviets out of the place, then when they were about to impose Islamic rule and close down the huge opium fields there we sold more weapons to their opponents, and they're all still fighting one another.'
'In Iraq we sold millions of dollars worth of weapons to Saddam Hussein to fight the Iranians and Kurds with - then we sold more to his opponents to get rid of him and turn the region into a nightmare of violence and murder. Pretty impressive stuff, huh?'
Of course such blatant war profiteering and money being made out of death by Murder Inc will not be mentioned on American TV news programs. 'As if!', the chairman laughed, 'no, we'll fill them up with shit about fighting the Taleban in the name of freedom and democracy, and 'freeing' Iraq - from the very people we hired to run the place! Only totally naive little children would believe all that bullshitting crap. Lucky there's 250 million of 'em in America.'
Murder Inc's shares rose 3% on Wall Street today, and another listed company, BodyBags'r'Us, announced record profits due to an increase in trading in the Middle East. The Grim Reaper sent a message of congratulations to the two firms, and hoped that US soldiers would find another part of the world to try and occupy and turn into a disaster of lawlessness and violence.
Oh, they did. Haiti.
