Crusty Boogers Put to Good Office Use

Funny story written by P.M. Wortham

Friday, 6 November 2009

image for Crusty Boogers Put to Good Office Use

Featured in a computer technology industry magazine called the Pocket Protector Quarterly, an article by a New Jersey JAVA programmer has caused controversy in offices across the U.S.

Bob Forgreen, the author of the article, asserts that there are a number of practical office uses for nostril crackers, and that those uses are also environmentally friendly and sustainable. Demonstrating two practical applications of the schnoz taffy, Forgreen pulls a crusty chunk out to help level his slightly wobbly laptop keyboard.

"It has the proper blend of sticky and hardness characteristics to stay in place on the underside of my laptop, and look, now its level!"

Digging for a slightly wetter version of the first nugget, Forgreen removes a viscous lime green liquid and applies it to a paper towel. Mixed with a little spit, Forgreen wiped the mixture across his monitor screen.

"It's a natural anti-glare compound", Forgreen says.

Questioned if Forgreen had been taking all his medication, he replied, "Look. Nose Mining is a natural activity, and the more ways we recycle it, the fewer sprays, and adhesives and lubricants need to be released into the environment."

Clearly knuckle deep in his work, Forgreen plans a follow up article on how the average sneeze can replace water to sustain certain fern and desk plants. "Why use chemicals and precious water resources when our bodies create all sorts of wonderful compounds. Wait until you see what we can do with natural methane!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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