Dalai Lama sells Starbucks, goes long on Baidu

Funny story written by Peteditor

Friday, 19 June 2009

In a move that took many Wall Street watchers by complete surprise, the Dalai Lama quietly announced last week that he's short-selling his Dell Computer and Starbucks stocks. He's going long on Monsanto Foods and Baidu, the Chinese internet search engine.

Not only do most traders view these high-valued stocks as the blue-chips of the 21st century, many insiders expressed utter shock that Mr. Lama even played the market in the first place.

Turns out, as he said in a recent interview, The Dalai Lama has been buying and selling since he was a youngster.

"How do you suppose I've been paying for all this travel over all these years" the short, slender bespectacled Incarnation of God said.

For the interview, the Deity was in civvies-purple Docker shorts and Nike T-shirt. His office is sparcely furnished; his connection to the internet a simple Mac Powerbook but equipped with a laser keyboard.

People are surprised, he says, when they find out he's a big Wall Street day trader, but they shouldn't be.

"It's very simple," the Divine leader of the Tibetan people said smiling. "the reason that very few people know that I'm rich is that nobody has ever asked."

When not touring, he can be found pursuing some of his surprising hobbies, including NASCAR. ("It's been in an eternal zen-type downward spiral since Dale's death," he noted.) and C&W. He has a particular fondness for Gretchen Wilson, whose first hit "Red Neck Woman" rocketed her from a trailer park in Brandon, Mississippi, to the Grand Ole Opry

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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