Six Flags Amusement Parks Bankrupt - Mr. Six On Suicide Watch

New York City - Six Flags Inc., one of the world's largest chain of amusement parks has filed for bankruptcy. Their mascot, Mr. Six, a breakdancing, old bald geezer, who bears a striking resemblance to Bush bailout guru, Henry Paulson, is currently on suicide watch in an undisclosed though heavily padded location.

"If there is a face to be put on this whole depression caused by greedy corporate leaders and bankers, let it be that of Mr. Six," said President Obama.

"Mr. Six, mascot to Six Flags, a white dude that can actually dance, danced his way into the hearts of millions of amusement park goers. It is with heavy hearts that we see the Six Flags legacy slip away. It is our hope that Mr. Six doesn't follow suit. Our thoughts and prayers are with Mr. Six."

The President then lay a wreath at the Tomb of the Unknown Amusement Park Goer, a little known spot in Arlington Cemetery to commemorate the first person who was ever decapitated from walking under a rollercoaster.

"And now I want you all to join me," continued Mr. Obama, "...in hoping that Six Flags, corporate America, and the rest of us can pull ourselves up by our suspenders, like Mr. Six after a particularly nifty breakdance move, and find our way back to the path of prosperity."

And with that message, Mr. Obama led the onlookers in a rousing kazoo version of the Six Flags theme song.