Suicide Watch 911 Therapist Concludes: Probably Better Off!

Funny story written by Bureau

Tuesday, 9 June 2009

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The recent suicide/accident of popular actor David Carradine has led to a rash of calls on the Suicide Watch Line and after more than 10,000 calls, responder Doctor James Houchins says "They may be right."

"You look around at this country with ten percent unemployment, college graduates going to work as hamburger flippers, General Motors going bankrupt and companies ready to leave if they have to insure all their employees, etc. You just wonder if it wouldn't be better to just get it all over with and opt out."

Another 911 operator just coming on shift agreed. "Dr. Houchins is right. What in the world do most people have to live for? They've lost their jobs, their homes and nothing is going right. People just stare blank-eyed at President Obama like he's a god or something, then go back under the bridge with their families. Why all this is not on the Evening News, I don't know. I guess they want to paint the best picture of America they can. But if you've decided to just blow yourself away, more power to you."

"I'll tell you another thing", stated Dr. Houchins. "Where we used to have somewhere around an eighty percent success in preventing suicides after callers call here at the Suicide Watch Line, now we're saving around ten percent."

"That's right, Dr. Houchins", stated the other operator, "even though we give it our best shot. Hey, THAT sounded like a shot just then and close by too, didn't it Doctor Houchins?...Dr. Houchins?"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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