Liberal Democrat MP for Twickenham, Vince Cable has announced today that he intends to launch his own bank in the next few days.
The MP who is widely acknowledged as having been a voice of reason through the emergence of the credit crunch described that he had "got to the point with all these banks where I am tired of seeing all of their nonsense. I decided to put my money where my mouth is and start my own".
Mr Cable will be running the bank initially from the basement in his family home, having refused an offer from Jacqui Smith to borrow a flat in Mayfair which she hasn't been using.
All new account holders will receive a tin of spam as a welcome gift. "We used that trick to get new customers just after World War II, and it worked a treat then" described Cable.
Cable's wife Rachel will responsible for conducting regular audits of the Bank's activities until the FSA officially recognise the "Bank of Vince Cable".
Mr Cable has already had a great deal of stationery printed with the slogan of his bank which will be...
The Bank of Vince Cable - No more of all this nonsense.