Written by Fish

Thursday, 10 April 2008

image for Mental Illness Epidemic at Call Centers
Another Paranoid Schizophrenic

(Atlanta GA) The Center for Disease Control (CDC) in Atlanta declared today mental illness is epidemic at call centers in this country and abroad. Schizophrenia, depression, mania, and paranoia infects 100% of call takers.

The disorders are almost always caused by management teams. Instead of supporting workers, managers use ideas right out of 1984 to control employees. The result is complete madness.

Morticia Fiend is a manager at the Echo Call Center and explains some of her rules about language: "Some words are now forbidden. Words such as 'no' and 'ok' are illegal and result in immediate execution. Phrases such as 'that's right' and 'let me help you with that' may or may not result in death, it depends how the supervisor is feeling that day.

Time weighs heavily on call takers and is extremely stressful. Workers must account for every nanosecond of every day or face painful consequences. Video cameras and recording devices monitor workers continuously. Paranoia runs wild in the office.

Cruella Kane is a supervisor at the Echo Call Center and was happy to give an example: "We once had a Mr. Fish that took calls for us. Mr. Fish took an illegal bathroom break at 10:08 that lasted to 10:12. His excuse about an enlarged prostate gland was not acceptable. A film of his bathroom break was shown to other call takers before his beheading. No one will commit that crime again for a long time!" cackled the wicked supervisor.

Doctors at the CDC have no advice except to suggest the public express compassion and understanding for call takers.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
50 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more