Written by Vinyljunkie

Saturday, 8 March 2008

image for British Gas Call Centres Stink!
Indian Call Centre Staff On The Turn.

The industry monitor Energywatch has predicted that during 2008 British Gas is gearing up to maintain it's record for the smelliest call centre's ever.

Under pressure for a response Operations Manager Walter 'Cheesy' Windybottom accepted things were on the turn, 'The Gas we've passed has risen by 60 per cent in the last year, we only achieved 571 million cubic metres and because of this low figure we are looking for more effective ways to inflate our output, e.g. moving call centre's to Bombay & Poona in India'.

However a memo leaked from Human Resources contradicted this claim, in part it said that at present many of it's Indian employees lacked output in comparison to the talented Multi-tasking of some of the U.K. call centre staff who had managed to reduce the level of complaints about their gas whilst increasing their gas output during the same period of 2007.

One top gas performer who was rewarded with a luxury break in a Tenerife hotel could apparently easily text with his left hand and stir his coffee with his right whilst being able to network with his mates using the provided headset as he browsed through eBay while gently farting please 'release me' let me go.

This of course meant others who didn't achieve their target output were left deflated but fewer complaints had been received about their individual gas targets on a daily basis.

In Bombay a Health & Safety spokesman Gerupta Butt Singh said, 'During training session we are put under strain, many trouser had been ruined, we simply cannot be doing this for long'.

Head of Operatons, Walter 'Cheesy' Windybottom insisted things will improve, 'The very nature of the indian diet means performance will get stronger and better'.

In the meantime customers are advised to quote the new overseas reference number 281 Curry, if they are having specific problems with their gas. When calling customers will be told, 'Your call is important to us, please press option 1 and then when prompted hold option 2 for as long as you can, as all our staff are presently on a comfort break'.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: call center

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