Houston, Texas (Chronicle Staff Writer) - A source inside Vice President Cheney's office has leaked the identity of the President of the Islamic Republic of Iran as a 'silent business partner' at a men's wear warehouse.
"We have evidence proving that President Mahmoud Ahmedinejad holds a 49% share in the company," stated Chester Lickspiddle, a Vice Presidential aide who asked that his real name not be used. "We became suspicious when we saw the apparel on the captive British sailors and marines released in early April."
Apparently, the final breakthrough came during interrogation at Guantanamo Bay when a detainee confirmed the information.
The breaking news set off a rapid sell-off on Wall Street, causing the Dow Jones Industrial Average to drop 500 points and setting off safety features meant to prevent a complete stock market collapse.
No one from the outlet could be reached for comment.
