Wall Street on Edge as Value of Cure Plummets

Funny story written by Sal Manella

Friday, 4 May 2007

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New York - Remember the good ole days when an ounce of prevention was worth a pound of cure? Well, it is looking more and more like those times may be gone forever, as the value of cure fell to an all time low. At the close of trading on Wednesday, an ounce of prevention was worth only nine ounces of cure, down two ounces from yesterday.

A sampling of opinion from leading market analysts reflected almost unanimous bearishness regarding the future value of cure. The lone dissenter was E. Morgan Steinberg, Executive Vice President for Cliché Options, with the Manhattan firm of E. Coli and Associates.

"I still believe in the future of cure", Steinberg said confidently. "We are just going through a down phase and I have the utmost confidence that cure will eventually rally. Everyone seems to have forgotten how cure dropped from one pound to twelve ounces back in March of 1994. Only two months later it set a record high of one pound and one ounce! What we are witnessing is simply a typical, cyclical market adjustment. There is no need for histrionics."

Devaluation of cure likely to hit insurance firms hard.

If the value of cure indeed languishes in a fiduciary quagmire, as most analysts predict, the resulting impact on the insurance industry will likely be catastrophic, as people become more and more accident-prone with the realization that cure and prevention are approaching parity. They will also be more hesitant to take part in health screenings, annual check ups, and dental cleanings.

What good will smoke alarms, burglar alarm systems, and not running with scissors be in a world of prevention-cure congruity? The upshot for the consumer will be even higher insurance premiums.

Sal Manella

Business Correspondent

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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