Money money money money … maahney!
That’s right, folks, step right up and get some new future money!
Y’say you don’t know what this crypto currency is and why should you even care? Now, now, that’s old thinking. And we’re currently at a point in history where things are changing and will become normal in the near future. And there’s not a goddamn thing you can do about it except give in, give in, give in …
Mastercard is releasing a credit card that holds crypto! Wha? That’s right, now you’re entire bank account can be contained on a plastic card. But wait, you say, we already have that. Debit cards, right?
Well, think of a debit card in the future that contains ALL your currencies? Wha? Like a dollar and a pound and a shekel and a yen and a euro and …
Nope, that’s not what I mean. All those currencies will soon be obsolete, and given over to various cryptos. Bitcoin, Ethereum, Tether, Solana, Polkadot, Dogecoin, the list is fucking endless, and is only going to get longer as more people, corporation and even entire nations create their own crypto.
And that’s the future of money. Long live trees – they will no longer be cut down to wrinkle and tear in your pocket. Instead, you will have crypto wallets –
(which can and will be hacked, and you will be judged by which cryptos you keep, and how you spend will determine whether or not you get to have the same rights as a good crypto holder. Yes, even your rights will be tied up with your digital money, maybe even your citizenship. If you don’t contribute to your nation’s wealth, then what good are ya? Might as well deport you to some evil country … oh, wait, in the future, due to a balance of economic power, all countries will be pure evil! YAY!)
– so enjoy feeling and hearing those coins jingling in your pocket and having paper money that can’t be traced to you (since there must be a thousand fingerprints on that crinkled note, it can’t be traced, but a digital fingerprint on your money can be! YAY again!)
Your money will be worth more than your passport. It will be worth more than your existence. You will be your money. It is the only way to give value to anything, especially your humanity, in a world plagued by cancerous capitalism.
Enjoy the future. It’s ready to enjoy the hell outa you!
