Butner, North Carolina Famed Ponzi schemer Bernie Madoff announced from his prison cell today that he has embarked upon a new financial venture, guaranteed to make millions for whomever wants to invest in it.
"I'm just trying to pay back all the investors that lost money in my last venture. It was just a bad economy that ended that one and this new venture will be more profitable than ever!" beamed Madoff.
"You can mail your cashier's check to my accomplice, I mean associate, in the Caribbean, or just wire the money to the Cayman Islands account info he can give you."
"And remember-the first investors always get the best results!" exalted Bernie.