St. Louis, MO - For years, Wilbur Jones of St. Louis has been working the graveyard shift at Dunkin Donuts, making donut holes with his dick.
"They hired me because the circumference of my wang when erect was the size of a donut hole," Jones said, pumping his cock into a glazed donut and putting it on the shelf behind him.
Jones fears that St. Louis might follow the lead of New York, Los Angeles, and other major American cities and raise its minimum wage to $15 per hour.
"I imagine they will have machines make donut holes if that's the case," Jones said, plowing his cock through a chocolate donut.
"Oops, got a little icing on my balls," he says with a chuckle and takes the donut to the back door, where he tosses it to a stray dog.
Jones fears are well founded, as CEO's across America's fast food industry are warning that "living" minimum wages will simply lead to fewer jobs.
"Customer can punch in their own orders on a computer screen and robots can dispense the orders, " said Dunkin Donuts CEO Bill Smith. "We really only need one employee per store, if even that many."
Asked if human cocks can be replaced, Smith said yes.
"Have you ever heard of dildos?" he asked.
"Anatomically correct Robots can make donut holes," he said. "It's really just a matter of taking the same robot that assembles car doors in Honda and Toyota plants and slapping a dick on him."
For now, Jones said he can't fret.
"I have my job for the time being," he said, three fresh, sugared donuts ringed on his cock. "I'll just keep plowing away 'til I lose it."
As Jones pumped a new hole on the fourth donut, he said that he thinks cities that raise the minimum wage need to provide free job training for men like him, who lose their jobs because of automation.
"All I've known for 20 years is drilling my stiff cock into donuts," he said. "What am I going to once I'm replaced by a robot dong? Engineer software?"
