MacDison PLC has clinched a $100m contract to supply Swiss Army Bagpipes to the U.S. Navy. The innovative bagpipes include an Egg Boiler, Tyre Inflator, Knife Blade, Letter Opener, Light, Magnifying Glass, Money Clip, Nail File, Pen, Pin, Protractor, Ruler, Scissors, Screwdriver, Tire lever, Toothpick, Tweezers, Calipers, Visor Clip and a thing for getting stones out of horses hooves with.
Not much bigger than normal bagpipes, the deadly musical instrument also doubles as a concealed automatic multiple round firing pistol. Placed under a vehicle with a flat tire, the bagpipes can raise the vehicle 2m from the ground for repairs while playing "Scots Wahay".
The pipes can be refrigerated by plugging them into a computer USB outlet.
Market tips: Sell Consolidated Tomatoes, hold on to Abseiling Ropes, Buy LPG.
