Written by Auntie Jean

Saturday, 28 June 2014

image for Chinese Takeaway Plastic Spoon Manufacturer Issues Profit Warning As People Use Own Spoons
China last night

The Rise in popularity of Chinese Takeaway home deliveries where people use their own spoons to eat Chinese food with has caused PorkSpork, the global plastic takeaway spoon manufacturer to issue a profit warning.

C.E.O. Mr. Ying Tong Diddle I. Po told our reporter, "Our prices have unfortunately had to reflect the drop in orders and a plastic fork or spoon now costs us £27 to make and is priced at £35 at point of sale. People are just not buying them, especially as the takeaway staff are often surly and reluctant to sell them in case they want to eat their own suppers with them.

Rival manufacturers Mr. Woo said it was no good getting "blue" about it. Mr. Woo shares levelled at £13.56 at close last night, a leap of 13.5%. Caution is advised though as Wetherspoons are reported to be giving out Happy Hour free Wether Spoons and Wether Forks made of carbon fibre on Wednesday Chinese Nights. Sell PorkSpork buy Wether spoons.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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