Written by rob fletcher

Saturday, 22 July 2006

image for Department of Defense Merges with Wal-Mart
It sounded good.

Wal-Mart and the D.O.D have struck a deal that will provide logistic support to any pissed off citizen or terrorist group that desires to purchase high grade sensitive military equipment. D.O.D. officals report that using Wal-Mart's existing infrastructure for thier military surplus just makes good business sense.

Sheikh Hassan Nasrallah leader of the Hezbollah organization is excited to start shopping. The Sheik said "My brothers and I who struggle against the Zionist enemy are pleased that this merger has taken place, especially with Wal-Mart being open for 24 hours a day." " We plan on shopping at night to avoid the crowds." "This is good thing for us, defense department hardware at Wal-Mart prices, no more silly katyusha rockets, now we can buy guided missiles and put a real hurt too Israel, Allah willing."

Other supremacist organizations have begun raising funds in order to buy weapons. Prominent Leader, Nathan Bedford of W.H.P.W.C.R. ( we hate people who can read ) said. "being a non profit organization makes it difficult for us to buy weapons on the black market, gun runners have traditionally charged exorbitant prices for military wares, and they don't take checks or debit cards." " Yesterday i saw an ad on night vision binoculars and target acquisition lasers for half off on Tuesday and you can bet your daddy's moonshine that we will be at the midnight madness sale on Friday for the stinger missiles." "It's going to be quite the shindig, there's going to be a raffle and bobbing for grenades and free tazer guns to the kiddies ,it will be fun for the whole family."

Voices of dissent are clamoring against the merger "This is just nuts!" said John Lingel, chair person of the House National Security, Emerging Threats and International Sub Committee. "What on earth possesed the idiots at the defense department to go through with this?" " I feel like I am in an Austin Powers movie sequel." " The defense department has lost over 466 million dollars in the fiscal year of 2005, by selling military equipment marked down 1000% below what they paid for it, to any one with cash!"

The United States Pacifist Party (USPP) has released a statement that they will act with passive aggression towards anyone who buys military weapons from Wal-Mart. The plan is to use super soaker water pistols on greeters and customers and to do a lot of whining and boo-hooing.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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