Trump Reports That Venus is Spying on the U.S (and on Trump Tower in Particular)
Manhattan, NY President Trump announced today that he caught the planet Venus spying on the United States and found out they were planning on invading the Earth, until they heard him talking about what he would do to aliens if he ever caught them in...
Read full storyLorry full of Farage's cheap grey suits refused entry to UK due to EU rules
A lorry of 300 moth-ridden suits bound for the UK has been seized by customs officials in Calais. Investigators were surprised to find that the cheap garments were destined for the wardrobe of Nigel Farage, who famously wears a different grey suit ev...
Read full storyGerman Shepherd Puppies Commit Suicide After Receiving Names From a Toddler
Colorado Springs (Denver Post): Four German Shepherd puppies apparently committed suicide yesterday, after their owner allowed her two-and-a-half-year-old toddler to name the dogs. All four puppies jumped out of an open window, ran six blocks, and t…
Read full storyLocal High School Student Suspended After Confusing Balzac with Ballsack
Sweatynton, NJ (Associated Press) An 11th grade student from Grover Cleveland High School was suspended yesterday after apparently confusing the name of the French author Honoré de Balzac with "honorary ballsack." The student, whose name isn't be...
Read full storyScotland invaded by hoards of English refugees seeking asylum!
Scottish border authorities are being overrun by English refugees hoping to escape the "madness"! Nicola Sturgeon has ordered Scottish bricklayers, dressed in kilts of course, to rebuild Hadrian's Wall, hoping the "wind will blow high, laddie" so...
Read full storyContestant in "The Bachelorette" Comes Forth with Stunning Revelation, Asks for Compassion and Understanding
Hollywood - During the third episode of the current Bachelorette series last evening, one of the men in the final group of 16 contestants, still in the competition after three rose ceremonies, has come forward with a shocking confession in a conversa...
Read full story