Elite Colleges Add "Hoop-Jumping" to Admission Criteria
Cambridge, MA-In order to select the "most qualified" undergraduate candidates from an increasingly selective applicant pool, Harvard College has added a Standardized Hoop-Jumping Test (SHJT) to its admissions criteria, and the rest of the Ivy League...
Read full storyBarrie and Vlad get down over flaming duck in Beijing restaurant
Spokespersons for both Mr. Obama and Mr. Putin have "cleared the air" that there is no new odor of disagreement between the two nations. Last night both joined China's President Xi Jinping at The Flaming Canard Orientale Restaurant in Beijing, on...
Read full storyRemembering The Fallen: General Dannatt falls flat on his fanny at Tower of London memorial
London - An Armistice Day memorial service at the Tower of London descended into farce this morning as the former head of the UK Army slipped in the mud and fell flat on his face as he walked to the podium to read a poem entitled 'The Fallen'. Ge...
Read full storyI Invented Science Confesses Scamatology Founder Elron Hubtard in Just Revealed Documents
Clearwater, FL-In newly discovered documents, Scamatology founder Elron Hubtard was found to have confessed to inventing science and then disguising all his contributions by going back in time and making it look like his discoveries were the work of...
Read full storyBill Gates Threatens World Domination
Silicon Valley, CA-Self-described "richest English-speaking mother^%$@!er in the world" billionaire Bill Gates today announced that he's tired of acting like a philanthropist and administering the Melinda and Bill Gates Foundation and instead will st...
Read full storyMedical Marijuana Is Antidote to Ebola Virus Says Elated Scientist
It was dark and stormy when we entered the laboratory of Professor X. Centric. But you would never have known it upon entering the upbeat scientists place of work: clouds of incense greeted us in a room lit by black light. Authentic Day-Glo posters from the 1960s lit up the entryway as we came upon the professor administering Ebola virus antidote to himself. The professor, who had personally no...
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