Particular Crimes To Be Ignored By Police During World Cup
Millions of English football fans are predicted to be brutally attacked in a sexual manner this summer by an elderly owl in a poor physical condition and its players, but the Police Force have already stated that they will not investigate a single fo...
Read full storyIsle of Wight News - Blacktop Days are Coming!
Winter has just ended and summer festivals are just around the corner. Soon the island will be blessed with many fun filled weekends providing enjoyment for both residents and tourists alike. It seems like every town and village has their own fest...
Read full storyNASA predicts Richard Branson's space travel pipe dream will bomb
Washington DC - Wannabe astronut Richard Branson is a complete charlatan whose daft Virgin Intergalactic Corp should be renamed Vergin' on the Ridiculous according to a NASA memo published this week. The world's premier space agency reckons decade...
Read full storyThe Secret England Footballer's Countdown to Brazil 2014, Part 5: The Squad
Yesssssssssss! I'm on my way to Brazil, wohoooo! Good old Roy, he knows a quality player when he sees one, which isn't very often in my case having been on the bench due to my managerial faux pas this season. Now I suppose you'll want to know how...
Read full storyYou've got to laugh. Haven't you?
Nigerian terror group Boko Haram are making a name for themselves after declaring war on the West. So angry are they with the West that they want to kill anything that has anything to do with the West. So seething with the West are they, that now it...
Read full storyMexico Going Out of Business
Mexico City - The United Mexican States - more commonly referred to as simply Mexico - will close its doors later this year after 97 years as a country in its current political form. Modern-day Mexico had its beginnings with the Mexican Revolution in...
Read full storyThe NeoMetro - May 2014
Greetings and saturations to all my fellow urban blighters out there! This edition gets down to the wonderfully nitty slitty with a new brick and mortar outlet in the most graffiti-ridden burrough with items you just cannot miss! Down on the corner of 172nd and Huffslough, Dunkin' White, head of the local chapter of Decay International, has finally opened the iron bars to his little hell-spot a...
Read full storyEric Cantor: "Godzilla Scares Me"
House Majority Leader Eric Cantor told Hollywood Beat Magazine that he is indeed scared of Godzilla. "He really frightens me" a subdued Cantor told reporter Holly Sue Robbins "After I saw Godzilla VS. Space Godzilla, I have nightmares". Cant...
Read full storyTrails and tribulations of transitioning - Hair
Hair: It's a perennial problem for Trans women. Since opting for this particular life path, I've had a love hate relationship with hair. What I have and what I want are so diametrically opposite, you'd think there was some cosmic joke doing it deliberately. As they say in show-biz, I'll start at the top: Head hair. Some people, some lucky, lucky people, have more head hair than they can...
Read full storySomething So Bad Happens In Tybee That It Can Not Even Be Reported
Something so bad and unspeakable has happened in the small town of Tybee located on Tybee Island that it cannot even be reported, it is that bad. Tybee, 13 miles from Savannah, a small town with an even smaller mentality, is said to be reeling fro...
Read full storyJake, From State Farm, Sues State Farm For Ruining His Dating Life
Bloomington, IL - The actor who plays "Jake, from State Farm", we'll call him Jake, from State Farm, in the famous insurance firm's commercial, is suing the company for stereotyping him as "hideous" and ruining his love life. The actor seeks $5 m...
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