Paris Hilton says "Gay men are disgusting." Fox News takes notice.
NEW YORK CITY (ABSNN) - Paris Hilton, the woman decried from every conservative, evangelical pulpit in the US, is now those very same Christian's newly minted, heterosexual pin up girl. Not only that, but some Republicans, speaking on Fox News, bega...
Read full storyNew York Woman's Examined Life Not Worth Living
New York attorney Diana Campbell was proud of having earned her law degree at the age of 54. She had steady work that wasn't too mentally demanding and which served to pay the bills. And, after nearly three decades of therapy and twelve-step work, sh...
Read full storySteps out say authorities
In a shock move the Health and Safety Executive has announced a ban on stairs. A spokesman said that they had been considering this move for some time and had now reached a firm conclusion. Balls House, headquarters of the Labour Party, announced...
Read full storyIndia doesn't want British supermarkets because they're not the "Raj" anymore!
Protests in India have proven that the Raj has had its day on the sub-continent and British supermarkets are not the "Raj" as far as Indians go. Global supermarkets attempting to cash in on India's new found wealth, including British ones, are bei...
Read full storyNaming Kate's girls (and Trumps's two-bits)
NEW YORK CITY (ABSNN) - Donald Trump places "all the blame for the fuss about the topless photos of Kate Middleton squarely on Kate herself." "There should be a law," says Trump, "that no British Royal be allowed to get nekkid, ever, even when bat...
Read full storyJesus had a wife, it's a fact!
It has been confirmed by a scribble on a 4th century (400 years after Jesus roamed the planet!) piece of tattered papyrus that Jesus really had a wife. Now this strange piece of tattered papyrus could have been written by anybody, but it wasn't ac...
Read full storyNew Mitt Romney secret tape: "My pooh-pooh smells like Aqua Velva!"
In a new tape of a Romney fundraiser in Boca Raton, Florida, presidential candidate Mitt Romney is heard telling $50,000 donors, "The 99% of the others out there simply have no idea what life is all about. They do lots and lots of hard work and we sh...
Read full storyDruids to muster Autumn Equinox sheep-dip test
London - Hordes of New Age hippies and neo-Pagan nutz are to be kettled through a pesticide trench before being allowed up Primrose Hill for Saturday's Autumn Equinox parade. The elf 'n' safety directive comes as a ten year study by the Royal Frea...
Read full storySuperman grounded after air-safety fears
The Man of Steel, Superman, has been grounded amid rumours he is unfit to fly. "Thanks to WikiLeaks," said Federal Aviation Authority spokesperson, Alex Luther, "we know now that Superman is short sighted, and he does not fly whilst using any visi...
Read full storyInnocence Is No Excuse
A man who was convicted of a brutal murder twenty-five years ago was released today and he has vowed to clear his name. Mr John Ripper believes a combination of his surname, his "haunting eyes" and his inability to pronounce his "Hs" had convinced pe...
Read full storyJesus Christ Superstar and Super Husband
An ancient fragment of papyrus has been discovered and it makes a thinly veiled reference to Jesus having a wife. It also says several things about Transformers building the Pyramids but that's apparently not as important as the Jesus thing. The s...
Read full storyOffice of Fair Trading to investigate fuel prices
The Office of Fair Trading is to investigate fuel prices in Britain for the first time. "I went to put some petrol in my car," said Hilary Dale, who heads up the Price Fixing division at the Office of Fair Trading. "It cost me seventy pounds!"...
Read full storyRussell Brand and Lindsay Lohan To Star In "Sell By Date"
LOS ANGELES - A spokesperson for Russell "Sniffles" Brand has just told the Hollywood entertainment media that he will be appearing in Sheboygan Saddlewood's epic motion picture Sell By Date. The spokesperson identified as Colton B. Billingee said...
Read full storyPresident Obama Has The Power To Make Mitt Romney Release His Income Tax Statements
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Mitt Romney is sticking to his guns and is flat out refusing to release his income tax returns. GOPicky Magazine is reporting that there is a loop hole, which the White House legal staff has found which states that the president...
Read full storyQueen's in new hidden camera Photo Embarrassment
More legal action is set to be launched by the Royal Family following the publication of a snapshot in a Dutch magazine showing Queen Elizabeth sitting on the toilet eating a hot dog. The photo alleged to be shot from a hidden camera carried by a...
Read full storyBBC 4 discovers crime in Scandinavia
High-brow BBC documentary channel BBC 4 is now almost two years through its research into the discovery of murders, kidnappings, and car thefts in Northern Europe. Given the lack of evidence of such occurrences prior to the first screening of Wallend...
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