Big Oil tycoons' post-Sandy pledge of $10 million for each pound of ass-lard that Chris Christie loses in next 12 months
New Jersey - "And a further $10 million for each pound that stays off for the following year," is how the couple's spokesperson put it as the news broke that homeless post-Sandy New Jersey residents stand to benefit from millions of dollars in hurric...
Read full storyGordon the Gopher embarrassed by Stupid Stunt Schofield
1980s Children's TV star and sock puppet, Gordon the Gopher, has admitted that he was "shocked" and "appalled" to see his former colleague Phillip Schofield ambush Prime Minister David Cameron on ITV's 'This Morning', this morning. The poorly judg...
Read full storyJoys of automatic internet translation services
An online reference site's French to English translation of a journo's biography continues to baffle as the following excerpt from Georges Georges' CV shows. Some names have been changed to protect the wicked. But the rest of the stuff is almost verbatim... Georges Georges was first hired by Marc X, head of Groupe Bizarre , as editor of a new publication, De-constructing Africa, he advanced be...
Read full storyDownwind from Blair at the Cenotaph on Sunday
London - Government ministers are drawing lots for the dubious pleasure of standing near Tony Blair at the Remembrance commemoration in Whitehall this Sunday. Last year M'Noble Lord drew the short straw that saw nostrils pucker at the sickening, '...
Read full storyMy life as a man #28
Penis Envy I entered an adult book store yesterday, by mistake, purely by mistake. But since I was already there I decided to take a look at the sex aids displayed in the counter that ran along the whole wall. It is my impression that these sex shops have taken marketing tips from the gun shops that, almost always, are located just across the street or even just next door. So far as I ca...
Read full storyJustin Welby takes Archbishop job only because others drop out
The new Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby, was today confirmed in the position only because others being considered as candidates were eliminated from the running due to various factors. Saintly Simon Cowell was eliminated from the running at...
Read full storyPalin and Trump visit Harlem School get history lesson
NEW YORK CITY (ABSNN) - Constitutional scholar Sarah Palin railed against the American electorate Tuesday night saying "I can't believe people would ignore the US Constitution and elect a man who refuses to balance the budget." Palin was acting as a...
Read full storyIranian Gun Boats Attack U.S. Drone In Gulf
Headline should read,"Iranian Jets Attack U.S. Drones in Gulf" President Obama gave the following speech to assembled reporters in the Rose Garden this afternoon. My fellow Americans: As President and Decider, uh...I mean Commander, in Chief, it is my duty to the American people to report that renewed hostile actions against United States drones on the high air in the Gulf of Persia have...
Read full storyLady Gaga Tells The Haters, The Sore Losers, And Donald Trump To Leave The USA
CUCAMONGA, California - Lady Gaga finished performing her third encore at a sold out concert in The Santa Ana Winds Arena. Afterwards she went backstage and met with Bijou Silhouette of Left Coast Mirror Magazine. Lady Gaga told her that she wa...
Read full story