Sparks and Mensa announce lower profits for the year
Sparks and Mensa, the High Street store that the intelligentsia know and love has announced lower pre-tax profits than at this point last year. "Our pre-tax profits are down by just over ten percent," said accountant, Ben Counter, who has shown be...
Read full storyTiger Woods' mistress to be hooker at Nevada brothel
MOON LIGHT BUNNY RANCH, Nevada (ABSNN) - Dennis Hof, owner of a legal, Nevada brothel, told reporters today that Tiger Woods' porn-star mistress Number 8, Joslyn James, would work "for one week only," at his thriving Moon Light Bunny Ranch. Ms. Jame...
Read full storyMurdoch To Cancel Comedy Tuesday If Obama Wins
Citizens of the United States from both sides of the political line feel like there is a lot riding on today's presidential election but News Corporation owner Rupert Murdoch felt it necessary to up the ante in a press conference he held this morning...
Read full storyOh My God! Stop the Election! Stop The Election Before It Is Too Late!
Oh my God!!!!!! Oh my God!!!!!!! Stop the presses! This is too big..... Some how, some way we've got to stop the election! I've just discovered something …....something terrible! Something you won't believe. I'm at an off loading dock in Oakland for container ships. I'm typing this on my cell phone. The Chinese.....oh my God!!.... The Red Chinese have totally infiltrated the election! T...
Read full story"Humbug Sir!"
In the time honoured traditions of Charles Dickens and Dickensian Britain the Royal Mail is launching a scheme designed to make sending this year's greeting cards more affordable to those on lower incomes, in other words, the entire population! Eb...
Read full storyRex Ryan and Bill Belichick: Overrated and Underwhelmed
A top-secret poll by a well-known sports magazine asked over 100 NFL players to name (anonymously) the most overrated coach in football. Hands down, Rex Ryan won the prize. Not since Norma Desmond came down those stairs for her closeup has there b...
Read full storyVirginity For Sale In Online Auction
Following the successful sale of a young woman's virginity in an online auction, budding entrepreneurs appear set to alter Britain's retail landscape for good. Reports of Brazilian student Catarina Migliorini selling her virginity in an online auc...
Read full storySnake Kicked Off Plane at Glasgow Airport Gives Interview
It wasn't first-class treatment at all, that's for sure. But then again, he wasn't a first-class passenger. The snake, after all, was just a stowaway. When he was found slithering along under some seats in a plane from Mexico, he was carted of...
Read full storyPolitical Facebook - President Obama and Governor Chris Christie
POLITICAL FACEBOOK President Obama: Good morning Chris. And how is my new BFF? 8:01 a.m. Governor Christie: Just fine Mr. President. How are things at the White House? 8:04 a.m. President Obama: I'm not at the White House right now. Michelle and I drove down to a local Flat As A Pancake Pancake House for some breakfast. 8:07 a.m. Governor Christie: I ate earlier, but I'm still kinda...
Read full storyJennifer Lopez Denies She's Cheating On Her Boy-Toy
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Jennifer Lopez recently said that since leaving American Idol she feels a lot more relaxed and has gained some of her confidence back. She noted that she had really missed getting up on the concert stage and performing before 30,...
Read full storyHoney Boo Boo To Guest Star On The Vampire Diaries
LOS ANGELES - The producer of the hit show The Vampire Diaries has just announced that he has signed reality show star Honey Boo Boo to appear on his hit show. Manolo Middlezuck told Pico de Gallo with Tittle Tattle Tonight that he has been trying...
Read full storyPresident Obama will be 'more white' if re-elected
WASHINGTON - As America goes to the polls today a leading image consultant says the President Barack Obama will become more white if re-elected to the White House. Obama is slightly ahead of Republican Mitt Romney in most polls and is expected to...
Read full storyLance Armstrong Is Moving To The South Pole
NEW ORLEANS - Lance Armstrong was recently seen riding his bicycle down on Bourbon Street. According to Tango Brisket with Sports Territory Magazine, Armstrong was wearing a Mitt Romney "Frankenstein" Halloween mask and was dressed in an LSU sweat...
Read full story