President Obama Quitting, Moving to UK
WASHINGTON - U.S. President Barack Obama announced Monday morning that he is resigning from the presidency effective immediately and moving to the United Kingdom. According to a White House press release, Obama has lost all hope for the country a...
Read full storySanta arrested in Savile probe
As the list of celebrities linked to the ongoing investigation into Jimmy Savile grows, it was revealed today that Santa Claus had been arrested by police. Santa, real name Father Christmas, was arrested with regard to offences dating back to the...
Read full storyEnraged Citizens Storm Carlton Heston's Grave, Tear Gun Out His Cold, Dead Hands.
Outraged citizens, incensed by the shredding of childrens bodies at Sandy Hook Elementary School last week by a crazy with an assault rifle, turned out in droves at the grave of Charleton Heston, legendary CEO of the National Rifle Association, to ri...
Read full storyFragments of Lost SSHite Gospel discovered in Coal Hole cuspidoor
LONDON (ABSNN) - News of the discovery of ancient biblical texts was released today by unknown, and unnamed archeologists digging through a spittoon at a local London public house, the Coal Hole. "Nothing this special was ever found in the spitter before," said the bar swamper. Martin Shuttlecck. "I did find a gold dental bridge that one time tho." "Nothing is really known about the SSHites...
Read full storyChristmas cheer from The Police!
Santas Grotto, Lapland: It is Christmas Eve and Santa is getting ready on his 'mammoth task' to keep children all over the world happy with their Christmas gifts, just like it happened when Jesus was born in Bethlehem, when three wise men came bring...
Read full storyNorth Korea Says It Now Has A Missile That Can Reach East Los Angeles
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The Political Drive Thru Window News Agency, which is based in the nation's capital, has just announced that North Korean leader Kim Jong Un has issued an official state department bulletin. Speaking before a crowd gathered at a...
Read full storyThe Real Reason The Dallas Mavericks Waived Derek Fisher
DALLAS - Derek Fisher, who has five NBA Championship rings, has been waived by the Dallas Mavericks. The 38-year-old veteran was apparently told by team owner Mark "Money Boy" Cuban that a deal was in the works where he was going to be traded to t...
Read full storyGeorge Bush Sr 'top suspect' in prank call to Margaret Thatcher
Texas - Nurses at Waco's Seedy Sinai Hospital where the former US President has been laid up with a bad chest since 23 November 'may face a Grand Jury' amid an official probe into prank calls to the former UK Prime Monster. Staff at London's Royal...
Read full storyDisappointing Weather Shock
Our meterlogical corresspondent has let us all down this Christmas. The weather is getting better and the rivers are going down. We are having to rely on yesterday's pictures of floods and impassable roads. However you can turn to people being...
Read full storyJah-Who???????
The ink has barely dried on James Arthur's contract and the nation is wondering how it is going to fill its Saturday nights until next September now that the X-Factor has finished (are we?). However, a much bigger question than that is troubling the nation's collective conscience (is it?) - or all those who didn't vote for him of course. What will happen to vertically challenged runner-up Jahmen...
Read full storyAdam Lambert and Ke$ha Set To Go On The Gobs of Glitter Concert Tour
LOS ANGELES - The two American singers who are known just about as much for their extensive use of glitter as they are for singing, Adam Lambert and Ke$ha have just made a musical announcement. Lambert informed the Hollywood press corps that he an...
Read full storyAll small arms banned world-wide with one exception
Washington D.C. - By executive order, per the White House dot com news story section, all small arms are banned. TheSpoof.com reproduces the order here: "Small arms have been implicated in too many crimes. To many widdows. Too many sisters...
Read full storyRush Limbaugh Says The Ann Coulter Affair Rumor Is Not True
NEW YORK CITY - Rush Limbaugh says that he does not appreciate hearing the rumor that he and GOP maven Ann Coulter are involved in a romantic affair. The radio political commentator told GOPicky Magazine that there is no way in hell he would ever...
Read full storyNASA Admits Mars Rover Curiosity Was Site of Holiday Bash
It was a public relations disaster of intergalactic proportions as NASA had to use a huge chunk of its budget to clean up after the party and restore the scientific equipment on the rover back to normal status. Rumors of a party had been swirlin...
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