Cheney named Vice-President for Life
VP is Bronzed, Guilded, and Cast in Concrete. Washington, DC--President George W. Bush today announced that Vice-President Dick Cheney has been named Vice-President for Life, and that to preseve Cheney for future generations, Cheney has been bronzed and coated in gold leaf, and cast in concrete. "I'm very proud of my Dick," said Bush. "He's done such a superb...
Read full storyBritney Spears Vlasic
Cherry Hill, NJ - As an unusual wedding gift for her new husband, Kevin Federline, pop-tart Britney Spears purchased Vlasic - the maker of a broad range of pickle products. The move, which has both entertainment and grocery analysts scratching their...
Read full storyThe Facts Concerning a Creepy Monster in a Dark Hallway
Throughout our history, our folklore, generalized descriptions of men and women abound. Women bear children, nurture them, and bake brownies. Men wrestle saber-tooth tigers, fight to possess and protect women, and watch Monday Night Football. Women are delicate, timid, emotional, and nonviolent. Men are hardy, aggressive, logical, and bloodthirsty. Stereotypes, certainly, but our culture is fi...
Read full storyJohn Kerry Is Reincarnated
Spiritualists and mediums today confirmed that Senator John Kerry, Democratic presidential nominee, is a reincarnation of Martin Luther King and Quasimodo. They point to his speech in Boston as proof thereof. Kerry began : "I have a hunch...&quo...
Read full storyWhat Lies in the Shampoo Aisle?
It may reasonably be argued that shampoo, the article and the practice, is a hallmark of proper civilization. Witness the derisive distaste with which we manhandle any citizen seemingly estranged from the stuff -- we wrinkle our faces at the sight of unwashed greasy hair, its tell-tale odd spikes, clumping self-adherence, and unpalatable odor. We lean conspiratorially to our neighbor and speculat...
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