The Isle of Wight Football League are to hold a crisis meeting next week to discuss the future league structure, writes Allan Snagg, Sports Reporter. The meeting - in the Three Archbishops pub in Brighstone - will address major concerns raised by Island clubs about the recent decision by the IOW Tuesday Afternoon League to increase the number of divisions from 12 to 2 and allow games to be play...
Excitement ran amock in Newby High Street, this afternoon, as did a wild boar which had caused the excitement. The boar was first sighted entering the back garden of Mrs. Millicent Molly Mayhew (65), who is looking ofter Paul, the psychic octopus until the World Cup is over (see related story). Millicent believes the boar must have got a whiff of Paul or the cod she is feeding him every 4 ho...
Residents of Newby, Isle of Wight, have been sworn to secrecy about the whereabouts of Paul the psychic octopus. Paul, today (or was it yesterday) predicted that Germany would lose in the Semi final against Spain. Paul has predicted the outcomes of all Germany's games so far (wins of course). Newby resident, Millicent Molly Mayhew (65) is quoted to have said, "Well, yes, we've been sworn...
Ryde - IOW News - A report just in from the Department Of Lies, Damned Lies and Statistics confirms that the quality of life in the Ryde metropolitan area is declining steadily. Critics say that the pace of life in Ryde has simply become too hectic, with Ryde - once a slow paced town - becoming equally as hectic as places on the mainland like Fareham, Titchfield or Portchester on market day.
A major investigation was launched this week to investigate the curious case of the flotilla of rubber ducks that have been inundating Yarmouth Harbour for the past fortnight. The busy Yarmouth harbour has become awash with the small yellow bath toys which is causing a danger to the Wightlink Ferry to and from Lymington on the Mainland as well as the numerous pleasure boats that operate out of...
Delight and amazement were the emotions on the faces of the residents of Wooton when Psychic Superstar Derek Acorah, 60, turned up at the village hall. "He wasn't booked," said Kathy Dewsnap, 32 of nearby Wootton village. "Apparently, he'd meant to be going to Walton, but mistyped the address into his sat-nav. We don't mind though, because he was amazing." Acorah has never visited the Isle o...
Hello to everyone, This letter is to let you know that Newby Primary School is holding a Jumble Sale two weeks from this Thursday. It is to be held in the school hall and will be in operation from 10.00 am. until 12.00 pm. We are, through this letter to you, asking for donations for the jumble sale. The children need some new P.E. equipment and we can't get any more money from the Schoo...
Councillors for the Isle of Wight are up in arms with the Highways Agency. A new road sign has been erected on Forest Road heading towards Somerton (pictured), which plainly states "Isle of White". "We are not amused," said Ophelia Keyhole, 39, wife of Jeremiah Keyhole, leader of the Isle of Wight Chamber of Commerce. "The Isle of Wight has been called this for centuries, how can the highway...
Police are hunting a pair of youths who are believed to be behind a series of arson attacks on dry stone walls around Shorwell. "There are a couple of young lads we'd like to speak to," said police constable Michelle Gonmad. "We have a fair idea who they are, on account of there not being very many youths in the Shorwell area." The border wall for Westcourt Farm, on the road to Limerstone ha...
The main traffic lights on the A3020, St Georges Way in the centre of Newport were out of action for three hours on Monday morning, right in the middle of rush hour. As the traffic lights cycled endlessly between red, amber and green, the local shop owners and residents were out in force to watch them. Such was the ensuing chaos, it took the police nearly forty minutes to get to the scene and s...
Residents of Newby, Isle of Wight are asking for a new vicar. A number of reasons have been given as to why they are not satisfied with the present vicar: 1. He's tone deaf and as he is the choirmaster he inflicts unnecessary suffering on the ears of the congregation, having put together a choir of individuals who can't 'hold a note'. 2. He is dyslexic and his sermons - advertised on the...
Eric Ladle, General Manager of the island's Tourist Information Centres, told us yesterday that Island Tourism are delighted with the summer season so far. However, they do have one slight concern. 'While we are delighted with the summer season so far, we do have one slight concern', Eric Ladle told us. 'We only have one slight concern, as we are delighted with the summer season so far. But,...
Sally Kettle has high hopes for her new venture Snoods Galore!, which opened for business on Union Street, Ryde, last Tuesday, with a special "opening day open day". The open day was a great success. Prospective customers were invited to sample the unique wares on offer at Snoods Galore! There were snoods to try and exhibitions to enjoy. Emily Pratcaller and Vickie Lamprey wore a succession of...
Isle of Wight News - Norma Ferkin, wife of the late Buster Ferkin is suing Ryde council for the wrongful death of her husband. (For details of Buster's demise, read Skoob's article about Mr.Ferkin - you should read it before you read this article actually.) She told us, "He was hounded, I say 'houded', by the bloody neighbours just coz our fence was getting a bit sad looking.. I told him jus...
In a move which brought unbridled joy to his neighbours, local man, Buster Ferkin today applied a coat of creosote to his garden fence. Ferkin was reported to have been contemplating the move for several months, because of the fence's unkempt appeara...
The Isle Of Wight Left wing Party, today announced a plan to rename the island a; "Less racist colour orientated name that would be less offensive to black and asian cultures" Asked what the new name would be, Rosaline Lentilsoup, leader of the Le...
Police were called to the Lady Labido Tea Rooms in Ventnor this afternoon when a fight broke out between two local gangs. When the Isle Of Wight riot squad arrived, both police officers had a hard time containing the warring factions. PC Parkin...
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